Do we actually ‘listen’ or do we just ‘hear’?
February 2021 | Jane-Louise Burrows
The majority of people would rate themselves as good listeners although this may be far from accurate.
I still clearly recall a conversation with my, then 7-year-old, son after he lost his first baby tooth. Preoccupied with tidying the kitchen, I had already answered his seemingly endless questions about how the Tooth Fairy sees in the dark, and how she carries the coins she leaves and teeth she collects. When I next really focused on what my son was saying it was because he was on the verge of tears. Asking what was the matter he explained I had told him yes when he asked if all his baby teeth would eventually fall out, and also yes when he asked if all his baby toes would also fall off and be replaced. I am not sure this experience ensured I listened attentively to every word my children said from then on. It did make me form a habit of not answering yes or no unless I was sure I had actually heard the question.
In mediation, I will support both parties to express what you each actually think and want. I will ensure we all listen and really hear one another. It is a safe environment to communicate those thoughts and wishes as the discussions in mediation are confidential and no proposal is binding at this stage.
Only once we really understand someone’s perspective will we have the foundation on which to communicate and work towards positive outcomes.
Written words in Chinese are pictorial. The written symbol for listen combines the symbols from other words and seems to perfectly encapture the definition of active listening:
That image may serve as a reminder for us all of the skills we need to develop if we are to rate ourselves as good listeners.
We have years of experience in mediating between parties. If you are considering mediation as a means to resolve matters, please contact us on 01234 343134 or enquiries@fullersfamilylaw.com so that we can guide you through the process and ensure that you receive a positive outcome for a brighter future.
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Jane-Louise Burrows is a mediator and specialist family lawyer with Fullers Family Law.
