Parents' arguments can really affect their children. So how can mediation help?
December 2020 | Jane-Louise Burrows
Arguments may be normal when a relationship is struggling, but risk being at the cost of our children. The impact can vary greatly with the potential to affect everything from a child’s mental health to academic success and their future relationships.
Whilst in most cases arguments will have little or minimal negative impact on children, when parents shout and are angry with each other, when they consistently withdraw or give each other the ‘silent treatment’, problems can sometimes arise.
UK and international research conducted over several decades through observations in the home, long-term follow up work and experimental studies, suggests that from as young as six months, children exposed to conflict may have increased heart rates and stress hormone responses.
Infants, children and adolescents can show signs of disrupted early brain development, sleep disturbance, anxiety, depression, conduct disorder, reduced academic performance and other serious problems as a result of living with severe or chronic inter-parental conflict.
But parents don't even need to display volatile or aggressive behaviour towards one another for damage to be done. It may also impact on children where they become withdrawn, or express low levels of warmth for each other.
What does all of this mean for parents?
It is important to recognise that it is perfectly normal for parents and carers to argue or disagree. However, when parents engage in conflicts with each other that are frequent, intense and not resolved, there is evidence that children do less well, compared with children whose parents constructively negotiate or resolve conflicts. It is a cycle that needs to be broken if we want positive and happy lives for today's generation of children, and the next generation of parents and families.
It is natural for parents to feel concerned about the impact their arguments may have on their children. In fact, children respond well when parents explain or resolve - in an appropriate way - what an argument was about.
Could mediation help?
The central purpose of mediation is facilitating communication between parents who are in conflict. The aim is to help them to reach a voluntary solution to their dispute and improve their ability to continue to communicate in the future as they continue to co-parent.
Indeed, where parents successfully resolve arguments, children can learn important positive lessons which can help them navigate their own emotions and relationships beyond the family circle.
We have years of experience in mediating between parties. If you are considering mediation as a means to resolve matters, please contact reception on 01234 343134 or email us at enquiries@fullersfamilylaw.com so that we can guide you through the process and ensure that you receive a positive outcome for a brighter future.
Jane-Louise Burrows is a mediator and specialist family lawyer with Fullers Family Law.
