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Understanding the fear of changeā€¦

 April 2019 |  Martin Fuller

Very often I consult with clients who are in a relationship which is unhappy at best, and at worst is abusive emotionally and physically.

Sadly, despite knowing that their relationship is toxic and damaging not only to themselves but also their children, emotionally they cannot find the strength to make that break.

There are probably a number of reasons for this, but today I want to share the main reason in my experience. It is one of the most powerful emotions - ‘fear’. Fear is an important emotion as it stops us hurting ourselves and makes us stop and rethink something before we act. This has been an important survival tool since the beginning of time and it is an extremely strong emotion.

When looking to leave a partner, particularly an abusive partner, we have a strong sense of fear.  Firstly, one of the side effects of an unhappy or abusive relationship is that your confidence fails and this lack of confidence allows your fear to grow and develop. Secondly, there is the fear of the unknown, in respect of how your partner will behave and how you will manage on your own in the world outside.

In most cases the status quo becomes the preferred option. This is because whilst you may be in an unhappy situation you are familiar with the routines, and you can take comfort in that security which relieves the fear. Also because fear is there to protect us, it makes us hostile to the new or different ways of doing things. People often like routine because it provides a familiarity, which eases the fear of the unknown. So again the fear we are experiencing is telling us not to change the status quo and to remain in an unhappy relationship. Ignorance and fear often feed on one another, and their appetite grows disproportionately as time goes on re-enforcing the need to remain in the familiar relationship and surroundings in spite of the misery this causes.  

To help, we offer conflict management, planning and strategy sessions to address the unknown and answer questions and help you plan your exit from the abusive relation, to ensure you understand the process. Whilst this will not remove the fear of leaving your partner it will provide you with the necessary knowledge and understanding and more importantly a planned exit, which will weaken the paralysing effect your fear has over you, leading you to find the confidence to act and find the happy and fulfilled life you deserve. 

I believe these sessions are so important that I offer a no questions asked, money back guarantee on them, for more details please contact us to discuss the service further.

If you would like to find out more about conflict management sessions with Fullers please contact reception on 01234 343134 or email us at enquiries@fullersfamilylaw.com


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